Hey I'm Sophie, and this is my internet home. Please enjoy your stay.

 

Anonymous asked
please elaborate on how you got a substitute teacher to quit within one day. I'm genuinely curious.

mysticmoonhigh:

mamalovebone:

all right everyone sit down, shut up and listen closely because I’m about to tell y’all the tale of Ms. Mormino.

Seventh grade is a time most people don’t look back on fondly. I know I sure don’t—I tend to regard that era as nothing more than an unpleasant, acne-filled haze of fall out boy and poor attempts at pseudo-zooey deschanel fashions. But enough about me. Let’s talk about my math teacher. 

Ms. Isom. Poor old Ms. Isom. Well in her 60’s, always plagued with some illness or injury, she was hardly ever even at school. Since many of her absences were the result of short-notice incidents—“falling down the stairs” was popularly cited— it wasn’t all that uncommon to not have a substitute on hand. Being a smartass honors class, we’d gotten away with several successful evasions of administration, walking cavalierly into class  to pass the next 48 minutes doing just about nothing. Hell, for good measure, we’d sometimes even toss in a friendly “hey, Ms. Isom!” if any administrators were anywhere within earshot. So incredibly anti-establishment, you could basically call it another Project Mayhem, except instead of Brad Pitt and Ed Norton concocting homemade bombs, it was a bunch of tweenyboppers with iPhone 3’s and Justin Bieber 2009 haircuts. 

 We got pretty accustomed to our own little self-governing system that rolled around every second period, so we naturally weren’t exactly thrilled when administration caught on to our little Anarchy Act and strictly enforced the presence of a substitute every day. 

Most of our subs weren’t terrible—most were friendly, gave us participation grades, and didn’t object to the independent attitude of our class (which, mind you, only had about ten students in it) 

That is, until Ms. Mormino came along. 

Four feet, ten inches of raw, undiluted evil, Ms. Mormino walked into class with a scowl on her face and a chip on her shoulder. When the girl behind me sneezed, Ms. Mormino’s immediate response was “NO INAPPROPRIATE NOISES!” 

 Although we all suppressed our laughter, we all knew from that moment on that, try as she might with her despotism and her draconian anti-sneeze policy, Ms. Mormino didn’t stand a chance. 

 The arguable beginning of the end for Ms. Mormino’s all-too-brief reign of terror was the moment I asked for a calculator; mine was broken. Mormino asserted that I could only borrow a calculator if I loaned her something of mine; at that moment, the girl next to me chimed in, saying she, too, needed a calculator. “I have a folder I can give you,” I offered. “I have a highlighter,” added the other girl. 

 At that moment, a puberty-creaking voice from the back of the room piped up. 

Max. 

We all know certain people have certain gifts. Michelangelo saw angels in every block of marble and devoted his life to setting them free; Einstein had a mind which saw the potential of the entire universe; F. Scott Fitzgerald wove intricate tales of decadence and depravity. Max, however, had a different kind of gift: he could make anything—anything at all—into a “that’s what she said” joke. More on that later, though. 

Max pried off a Nike sneaker and held it proudly in the air, like a coveted trophy. 

"I have a shoe." 

Tottering in one-shoe-one-sock, Max dumped the sneaker on Ms. Mormino’s desk, retrieved a calculator, then tottered back to his own desk, a sort of smirk playing on his face. And, as to be expected—the rest of us quickly followed suit. 

 A small pile of shoes on her desk, Ms. Mormino grit her teeth and glared at us as we all sat back down, quietly victorious, a calculator in each of our hands. It wasn’t long, however, until we all began to silently plot our next act of minor mayhem. 

"Can I go to the bathroom?" asked Tyler, who, despite being in seventh grade, was approaching his sixteenth birthday. In a combination of verism and admiration of Tyler’s devil-may-care boldness, we unequivocally accepted him as our leader. For reasons unknown, Ms. Mormino denied his request. Tyler, much like his Fight Club namesake, heeded no rules but his own and left anyway—Ms. Mormino, furious, locked the door behind him and smugly insisted that "administration will take care of him." 

Tyler, however, was not one to be caught, and stayed close by, appearing in the window of the door whenever Ms. Mormino wasn’t looking. Waving, smiling, laughing, making faces and obscene gestures, Tyler had us all in stitches, but cleverly avoided Ms. Mormino’s sight—when she asked us what was so funny, we all refused to give Tyler away. 

A girl asked to go to the bathroom, stating she “really really really” needed to go. Ms. Mormino, again, denied her request. Ms. Mormino, however, seemed to be uninformed about the side door—leading right outside, always locked from the outside but always open from the inside. 

"Well, I’ll go myself," the girl responded, and took off, hurdling three desks and darting out the door. Right behind her, two other students took off, pursuing freedom. The door slammed behind all three students, and they were gone. 

 Six of us were left. Among us, importantly, was Chris. 

Chris was thirteen, but looked half his age; scrawny, wiry, he probably measured in at about four-foot-three, but no taller. “Late Bloomer” are words that come to mind. 

Despite his diminutive size, Chris possessed the gall of someone like Tyler.

"I have to use the bathroom," said Chris, standing. 

 ”Do you think I’m going to allow you to go to the bathroom?” snapped Ms. Mormino. 

 ”It’s an emergency!” Chris pleaded. 

"Sit down," Ms. Mormino growled. 

Meanwhile, the entire class borders on hysteria. We have tears in our eyes, almost suffocating from choking back laughter. 

"It’s an emergency," repeated Chris, but it sounded more like a warning.

"Sit."

Silence. Silence, Silence and more silence, until we all began to notice a dark stain on Chris’s khakis. The stain grew. And grew. And grew.

 Fists at his sides, stoicism in his face, and a cold, proud, triumphant glint in his eye, Chris locked eye contact with Ms. Mormino. 

And pissed right in his pants. 

The entire class erupted into a laugh only comparable to the detonation of a bomb. 

We laughed so hard for the next five, ten, fifteen minutes straight that Ms. Mormino gave up. Surrendering, putting her head on her desk, she waited until the hysteria finally subsided. 

Finally looking up, defeated, pathetic, Ms. Mormino glared at us all and wailed: 

 ”This is too much, this is too hard, too hard, Jesus Christ, this is too much for me!” 

 A lone voice sounded from the back of the room. Guess whose it was.

"That’s what she said."

Ms. Mormino officially retired from teaching that afternoon.

FUCKING READ IT IT’S WORTH IT

gummybearattacktheworldofdespair:

saemiligr:

sentientbowtie:

sweettittiesthatwilldestroyusall:

poisonstarfruit:

maccasmiz:

turnaboutkid:

cozmopolitan:

ifweweremartians:

a-wak-e:

cozmopolitan:

a-wak-e:

The lie is over now.
The truth is out.

Its time to wake up and accept the fact that the people on the top, don’t have your best interest in mind. All they ever wanted, want and will want is money over your and your children’s dead body. Its Eugenics. Nothing new.

Wake up and Care and Share before too late.

you people are the reason why measles are back in new york

If measile is back, then it should only affect those who aren’t vaccinated. But is affecting those who are. THINK.

Vaccination doesn’t work, and even if it did… it only protects for couple years max.

Don’t seek vaccination … but nutrition my friend. Nutrition is the true medicine.

vaccines are bullshit and cause adverse reactions like death

where is your proof

hOLY FRICK YOU DONE PISSED ME OFF AND I DON’T GET MAD EASILY SO CONGRATS

SIT YOUR IGNORANT FEARMONGERING SELF DOWN AND LISTEN UP BECAUSE THIS IS GONNA BE LONG

THE HUMAN IMMUNE SYSTEM IS MADE OF TWO PARTS: THE INNATE SYSTEM AND THE ADAPTIVE SYSTEM. YOU NEED BOTH WORKING TOGETHER TO PROTECT YOU FROM DISEASES, BUT THE ADAPTIVE SYSTEM IS DESIGNED TO ONLY PROTECT YOU FROM THINGS IT’S ALREADY EXPERIENCED. IT CAN TAKE UP TO TWO WEEKS TO KICK IN AGAINST AN INFECTION IT’S NEVER SEEN BEFORE, AND GUESS WHAT FARTNUGGET YOU CAN BE DEAD OR SCREWED OVER FOR LIFE IN TWO WEEKS. BUT WHEN IT SEES A DISEASE IT CREATES MEMORY CELLS THAT REMEMBER THAT DISEASE AND CAN KICK IN IMMEDIATELY WHEN IT HAPPENS AGAIN, USUALLY QUICK ENOUGH TO PREVENT YOU FROM GETTING SICK AT ALL.

THE POINT OF VACCINES IS TO USE A NATURAL BODY RESPONSE TO PROTECT PEOPLE BY HELPING IT DO WHAT IT DOES ALREADY. YOU USE ATTENUATED NONVIRULENT FORMS OF THE DISEASE TO PREP THE IMMUNE SYSTEM SO IT WILL REMEMBER HOW TO RECOGNIZE AND FIGHT THAT DISEASE IN THE FUTURE. THAT IS HOW YOUR IMMUNE SYSTEM WORKS SO DON’T YOU DARE START CLAIMING THAT YOUR IMMUNE SYSTEM MEANS YOU DON’T NEED VACCINATIONS. THAT’S THE ENTIRE POINT. YOUR IMMUNE SYSTEM CAN’T DO IT ALONE. THAT’S WHY SMALLPOX KILLED 500 MILLION PEOPLE BEFORE VACCINATIONS STOPPED IT.

VACCINES DO NOT CAUSE AUTISM HOLY FRICK THERE HAS NEVER IN THE HISTORY OF MEDICINE BEEN PROOF OF THAT AND I CHALLENGE YOU TO SHOW ME SOME. THERE WAS ONE DOCTOR WHO PUBLISHED A STUDY IN 1998 SHOWING VACCINES MIGHT CAUSE AUTISM. IT WAS FAKE AND PROVED WRONG OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND IT WAS DISCOVERED THAT HE USED UNETHICAL AND INVASIVE PROCEDURES ON CHILDREN AND HE WAS BANNED FROM PRACTICING MEDICINE. 

THE DIAGNOSIS OF AUTISM HAS IMPROVED SINCE 1970. CORRELATION DOES NOT IMPLY CAUSATION. YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE HAS INCREASED SINCE 1970? INTERNET USAGE. MAYBE THE INTERNET CAUSES AUTISM, IF YOU’RE GONNA USE THAT LOGIC.

AND HOLY FRICKING HECK EVEN IF YOU REALLY BELIEVE THE LIE THAT VACCINES ARE LINKED TO AUTISM, ARE YOU REALLY THAT SCARED OF AUTISM THAT YOU’D RATHER YOUR CHILD DIE HORRIBLY OF A COMPLETELY PREVENTABLE DISEASE THAN BE AUTISTIC

THIOMERSAL IS AN ORGANIC MERCURY-CONTAINING COMPOUND THAT WAS USED AS A PRESERVATIVE IN VACCINES IN CONTROLLED AMOUNTS BECAUSE GUESS WHAT DOUCHECANOE EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD IS CHEMICALS AND THESE GUYS ARE PAID TO KNOW HOW TO COMBINE THEM PROPERLY. IT WAS NEVER SHOWN TO CAUSE AUTISM AND THE SIGNS OF MERCURY POISONING ARE WELL-KNOWN AND NOTHING LIKE WHAT PEOPLE ARE CLAIMING VACCINES DO. EVEN SO, IT WAS PHASED OUT OF VACCINES IN 2001. THE ONLY ONE THAT EVER STILL USES IT IS THE INFLUENZA VACCINE AND GUESS WHAT? AFTER A CRAPTON OF TESTS DONE BY PEOPLE SMARTER THAN YOU WHO ACTUALLY KNOW WHAT THEY’RE DOING AND HOW CHEMISTRY AND MEDICINE WORK, IT WAS FOUND THAT THE ONLY SIDE EFFECT WAS- WAIT FOR IT- SLIGHT REDNESS AT THE INJECTION SITE.BECAUSE AGAIN, THIOMERSAL IS NOT PURE MERCURY YOU ABSOLUTE TURDSTAIN AND IS NOT THE LEAST BIT COMPARABLE TO TOXIC WASTE. AND DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW MUCH 25 MICROGRAMS IS? THAT’S 0.000025 GRAMS. GRAMS. THAT IS AN ABSURDLY SMALL AMOUNT. I CAN’T EVEN CONVEY HOW SMALL THAT IS. PROBABLY THE SIZE OF YOUR BRAIN.

IM NOT TOUCHING THE BILL GATES THING BECAUSE I DONT KNOW ENOUGH ABOUT IT. SOMEONE ELSE CAN DO THAT FOR ME. OR YANNO YOU COULD GOOGLE IT AND ACTUALLY EDUCATE YOURSELF FROM OBJECTIVE SOURCES AND NOT SOURCELESS FEARMONGERING JPEGS REPOSTED SO MANY TIMES THEY’RE ALMOST COMPLETELY ILLEGIBLE.

HEEYYYYYY GUESS WHAT ALL THE FOOD IN THE WORLD WON’T HELP YOU IF YOU’RE THROWING IT UP OR CRAPPING IT OUT OR IF SOMETHING COMPLETELY UNRELATED TO FOOD IS KILLING YOU FROM THE INSIDE OUT. YEAH MAN PEOPLE NEED FOOD AND WE SHOULD HELP MORE WITH THAT BUT YOU ALSO GOTTA PRIORITIZE THINGS THAT KILL SO MUCH MORE EFFECTIVELY THAN STARVATION.

YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY THAT WE’VE GOT ALL THESE VACCINES NOW. PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN THE 1700’S WOULD BE CRYING TEARS OF JOY IF THEY HEARD THAT WE HAD WIPED OUT SMALLPOX AND POLIO AND WE COULD PREVENT ALL THESE OTHER DISEASES. LOOK AT THAT LIST. THAT’S NOT A LIST OF POISONS. THAT’S A LIST OF THE DISEASES WHOSE BUTTS WE’VE KICKED AND THAT DESERVES THE BIGGEST HELL YEAH IN THE HISTORY OF MEDICINE.

EXCEPT NOW MORONS LIKE YOU ARE BRINGING THEM BACK. YOUR BIT OF NON-LOGIC THERE JUST PROVES HOW LITTLE YOU UNDERSTAND THIS. THERE’S A THING CALLED HERD IMMUNITY AND IT’S JUST AS IMPORTANT, IF NOT MORESO, THAN INDIVIDUAL IMMUNITY. SOME PEOPLE CAN’T GET VACCINES DUE TO HEALTH ISSUES. WE’RE PROTECTING THEM TOO WHEN EVERYONE ELSE DOES BECAUSE IT CAN’T SPREAD. BUT LET’S TALK ABOUT HEALTHY PEOPLE, SINCE THAT’S WHAT YOU’RE ASKING ABOUT. DO YOU KNOW HOW FAST DISEASES MUTATE? WITHIN LESS THAN FIVE YEARS FOR SOME. AND IT’S CAUSED BY A THING CALLED SELECTIVE PRESSURE. SELECTIVE PRESSURE IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU GET A TWO WEEK DOSE OF ANTIBIOTICS AND ONLY TAKE TEN DAYS’ WORTH BECAUSE YOU FEEL BETTER AND YOU KNOW BETTER THAN THOSE SILLY DOCTORS. WELL GUESS WHAT? YOU DIDN’T KILL ALL THE BACTERIA AND NOW THEY’RE FREE TO GROW AGAIN. AND SINCE THEY’RE THE ONES THAT SURVIVED, THEY’RE NOW IMMUNE TO THE ANTIBIOTICS AND FREE TO SPREAD THAT TO OTHERS. CONGRATS BUTTMUNCH YOU JUST RUINED IT FOR EVERYONE BECAUSE NOW IT’S MUTATED AND SPREADING AGAIN AND THE ANTIBIOTICS DON’T WORK. THE SAME THING HAPPENS WITH VACCINES. IF PEOPLE LIKE YOU KEEP AVOIDING VACCINES, IT GIVES DISEASES LIKE MEASLES A TOEHOLD IN THE POPULATION TO MUTATE AND SPREAD AND CAUSE ANOTHER EPIDEMIC

VACCINES DON’T WEAR OFF AFTER FIVE YEARS I DON’T KNOW WHERE YOU’RE GETTING THAT INFORMATION BUT HOLY JEEZ IT’S JUST PLAIN WRONG. THE CLOSEST THING I FOUND ON GOOGLE WAS SOME CONTROVERSY ABOUT THE HPV VACCINE LASTING 6-9 YEARS AND EVEN THAT WAS UNDER SCRUTINY AND NOT EVERY DISEASE WORKS THE SAME WAY. SOME ARE FOREVER, SOME REQUIRE BOOSTERS, ETC ETC. I COULD GET INTO WHY BUT THIS HAS GOTTEN LONG ENOUGH SO LET’S BRING IT BACK TO PEOPLE SMARTER THAN YOU HAVE STUDIED THIS AND BUILT ON CENTURIES OF MEDICAL PROCESS AND THIS IS WHAT THEY DO FOR A LIVING SO I THINK THEY MIGHT KNOW A BIT MORE ABOUT IT THAN YOU

P.S. NUTRITION? NUTRITION? I’LL JUST EAT THIS APPLE AND IT’LL FIGHT ALL THESE BACTERIA AND VIRUSES. OR MAYBE POTATO CHIPS CAUSE MEASLES. STOP AND LISTEN TO YOURSELF HOLY CRAP. 

THANK.YOU.

As a Biology major I was about to go into a huge rant but I’m glad to see it was already done :)

Captain Capital Letters up there brings up some good points people, listen to them.

I can’t begin to tell you how badly I wish I could just repeatedly reblog this until it spread across the internet. I will probably schedule it to reblog in the future for a few weeks but still. I want to put it EVERYFUCKINGWHERE. 

As a biochemist I feel obligated to reblog this every month, so any of my new followers would know how vaccines work.